SPEAKER_02 0:01

Welcome to the Ask for the Skinny Podcast with a guest. I'm proud to present Nima Rahmani. Nima, welcome to the show. Please tell us more about yourself. What is your source?

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Well, my story is I'm very impressed with the fact that you got the pronunciation of my name perfectly right on the first try. And we never even discussed before, usually when I'm being interviewed, the people are like, Can you help me with the pronunciation of your name? Peter, you didn't ask me that question. And the very first thing you said was Nima Rahmani. And you you had that little bit of a Slovenian twist to it, which is more uh aligned than the American version. So I want to tell you a little bit about myself, is that I'm very impressed that you got that. That's the first thing I want to start by saying.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Thank you very much. I'm I'm not famous for my pronunciation, but you got this one right. You have a famous uh last name, and uh, you are a celebrity uh uh on your own. So I'm really uh proud to have you on my show, and I'm really looking forward to our discussion.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

I don't know about the fame thing, but uh my story, my backstory is I teach what I most needed to learn, and uh what I needed to learn as a uh chiractor, I was a chiropractor for 25 years. Um, and I help people primarily with stress-related disorders, people coming in to see me. Excuse me, they're not not just dealing with burnout. Burnout is, of course, one one of the symptoms of a long list of symptoms, but it's not just one isolated burnout is like a life, a depleted life force energy, just like any um chronic pain, uh, digestive issue, that kind of thing. Uh a loss of vitality, let's call it a life loss of vitality. So people come to see me with a loss of vitality, and I was dealing with that loss of vitality with a physical structural correction, which helps a lot of people because you adjust the nervous system and it just relaxes you a little bit. You feel safer in your body, less pressure on the nerves. But then what about the people that I couldn't help? And I was wondering, you know, how do I help those people? Because it seems like I it's very limited if I'm just adjusting structural uh misalignments. And then I went in through a divorce and several failed relationships later and kind of forced me to lead up to this really toxic relationship, which started to kind of force me into understanding the mechanisms of relationship. And this is important to anybody struggling with burnout because everything is relational. Everything is relation, your relationship with your child, your relationship with your partner, your relationship with your uh parents, your relationship with your body, your relationship with money, your relationship with your career and the work that you do. There's a relationship, there's a space between you and that thing. And in that space between us and that thing, whether it's work or partner, there's an energy, there's uh, there's uh unspoken uh assumptions, let's call it. There's unspoken assumptions underneath it. And those assumptions cause us to behave and react in ways uh where we are fighting, we're running away, you know, we're we're pushing, forcing, we're withdrawing or fading, we're collapsing or we're bracing. Does that make sense? In your relationship between that and other people. And so my relationship with with partners uh led me into this toxic dynamic where I'm super successful at work, but my relationships were epic failures. And the last one led to uh physical abuse. I was pushed, poked, we escalated, we were abusive to one another, and I ended up snapping. And on March 11, 2018, these hands that are used to help heal people actually used to slap my ex. And I just, whoa, I had to go, what happened? How did I get there? Um, how do I make sure this never happens again? And if I can do those two, can I ever have a relationship that feels secure and safe? And if I could do that, then can I have to teach other people how I got there? And so the concept of becoming trigger-proof was born. And I started understanding that the problem that I was dealing with was not because I was flawed or my body was broken or I was flawed when it came to relationships, or uh, you know, I was uh bad or anything. It was because I hadn't learned the skill of what I call becoming trigger-proof and having elegant boundaries. And we're gonna talk a little bit about that. This is what the whole conversation that's relevant to anybody dealing with burnout is a lack of elegant boundaries leads to dysfunction in the mind, the body, in relationships and these dysfunctions, these fatigues, these illnesses that come up aren't actually illnesses that we have to fix. We just go upstream and become the type of person that can say no and have elegant boundaries. And the body then starts to bring its life force energy back because you're no longer abandoning yourself in service of other people's approval, not disappointing other people. So these burnouts or these faulty relational dynamics, these breakdowns happen because we're not trigger-proof and we don't have elegant boundaries. And so the concept of becoming trigger-proof and elegantly boundaried was born. And now I'm happily married. I have an amazing six-year-old boy, and I'm teaching him everything that I didn't learn that led me down that path. And I left my chiropractic practice, and now I have a community, global community of cycle breakers that are learning how to become masters at this relational dynamic with life itself.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

Amazing story, and I can relate it on so many points. Uh, first, I started uh uh using chiropractor in 98. So in Slovenia? Yes, uh, but they're all educated in the US and they just uh come back, they they usually work in the US for uh like a two decade and then they come back to Slovenia because the lifestyle and uh the quality of living is so much higher than the US. And uh the paychecks are so the chiropractor paychecks are probably the same. Uh and uh I I I really learned or grow to be a friend with the chiropractor, and I really like how you explained. Um you didn't uh use the holistic word, but you you basically from the nervous system you were able to go and expand that. And I can also relate to all your trigger proofing and uh boundaries, uh, because I studied uh Dr. William Reich and I ran an institute that studies Dr. William Reich here in uh Slovenia. And uh he he came to the exactly uh same conclusions. Uh the burnout is just a problem of trauma. Uh you're talking about the boundaries and uh the grudges that we hold. And I I relate it to to what you have uh discovered and how you you of course um you you made it so much more hands-on with the trigger proofing and breaking the cycle. And I really like how you uh explain that, and uh I really like how you have uh basically come full cycle from the body, the mind and back to body. And yeah, this is what I would like to discuss a bit more. Um our Western society is uh drawn towards materialization, and we are mostly taking care of our bodies or thinking about our bodies even less taking care of. Uh but then everything is interrelated, our psyche is also related to our body. Uh Carl Jung even said that our body is the is it shows us our subconscious, what is going on.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

The body is the subconscious mind. Yeah, yes. Tell me your question, my friend.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

I I do believe that, and I would like to learn a bit more about your trigger-proofing concept and how you go about it. And uh later on I also ask how how we should join, how should we start exploring the process?

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Yeah. So um, Carl Jung says, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate. It will direct your life and you'll call it fake, which means we are constantly finding ourselves in these patterns, think, oh, why do I procrastinate a lot? Or why do I always start dating the same type of person every time I go from one relationship, one marriage to another? I'm working with somebody, she's on her third marriage, married to somebody who's on his fifth marriage or sixth marriage. And it's like the same pattern keeps coming. And so it's because there are unconscious complexes at play. And the first half of life is really uh, you're just living according to your conditioning. It's usually on autopilot. And it, and Carl Jung, you you mentioned Carl Jung, I'm a big fan. So let's just go down the Carl Jung rabbit hole, shall we? And he says, there is no coming into consciousness without pain. So if you look at the painful aspects of your life that you've had to overcome, these obstacles, these really painful experiences, uh, health issues, burnout, um, divorce, financial crisis, you're describing pain. Even burnout is is is is a form of pain that forces you to awaken and become conscious. Hopefully, if you wake up, a lesson is repeated and to learn. And so what we are tasked to do, and nobody really gives us the um, I don't remember when I was in my high school or in my teens getting this information. It's not, it's now that I'm like, oh wow, looking at Carl Jung's work, it's about becoming your individual self, really looking at the values, the conditioning, the beliefs, the identity, the assumptions that I made about life, and going, where did I get those from? Oh crap, they were downloaded to me from my family system. And the the any time that I'm living a value system and a uh uh kind of like an identity that's not authentically mine. In other words, I'm out of integrity with what's actually me, that's separation from the truth of who I am, even if that separation is like, you know, I'm telling you, hey Peter, um, you say, How are you? And I say, I'm fine, but I'm not fine. That's another example of how I live out of integrity because I'm conditioned to put on a performance out there that's separate from the truth of who I am. So so anytime that happens, that break from the truth of who I am, there's a consequence for it. There is some sort of a consequence. And so uh I will experience and so I'll experience a great amount of pain to help bring me back to saying, hey, who is authentically Peter? Who's authentically Nima? And then the second half of life is about it's called Carl Jung calls it individuation, becoming your authentic whole self outside of the conditioning. And our work as humans is to figure that out. It's usually the mid-life where we start to go, what the heck? I've been ticking off the boxes and it's it hasn't really been, you know. I'm happy about so many things, but this aspect of my life isn't working. So the burnout uh is the body. So how do we return back and find what that truth is? It's through the body. The body is the unconscious mind. So in burnout cases, the body is saying, I cannot continue this unsustainable existence where I am abandoning my truth. And the body goes into what's called a dorsal vagal collapse where the nervous system shuts down and says, No, I'm opting out. I cannot live a life that's incongruent. I can't have you pursuing this path that's not aligned with me. So I'm gonna shut down to get you authentically true. I hear what you're doing. Right. And you can do, you can do all sorts of treatments and homeopathics, and it might lessen it. But I I I'm lazy. I just want to go upstream to the root cause and say, hey, I'm living a life that's not authentically me, and I cannot continue to do that. And when you all of a sudden start to align your life with what's true for you because you've asked the right questions, prompted it, then now all of a sudden your life force energy comes back. But it has to happen by connecting to the body and being with the pain that you've been avoiding because you've been trying to live somebody else's life. What's your question?

SPEAKER_02 14:26

I would like your opinion on the next topic. Is um is burnout just a consequence of living in survival mode for for too long? Or do you believe that burnout is just freeze out of flight, fight, or freeze modes? So is burnout just one of the survival modes, or does burnout come after the body can no longer uh coping with being in survival uh mode for so long?

SPEAKER_00 15:01

They're not two, it's not an or either or it's both. So we are in, let's say uh an somebody is in survival mode, okay, and I'm in survival mode, like we are creators. There's two, there's a dualistic nature to us humans. We have an animal body and we're spirit, right? There's mind, body, and then there's spirit, and in an i and we're we are made in the image of God. So we are creators. So you are a content creator. You're taking an idea, a thought, and you're turning it into content and uh material. And maybe you have a book and you have a program. You're a creator. This is who you are by nature. But depending on the state of who you are where you are, survival mode based on for what reason? War, uh, scarcity, you don't have a place to live, you're homeless. This you you you you are disconnected from your creativity, and you are now a creature instead of a creator who is living moment to moment, uh, paycheck to paycheck, and you're in survival mode. When you're in survival mode, your nervous system is in protection and threat detection. So fight, flight, freeze. And so when you're in survival mode and in your in freeze for a prolonged period of time, you're not in, you're not aware that you are the creator of your experience. You don't have access to that. So then burnout then is a natural response of being in survival mode and disconnected from your creator uh for a prolonged period of time. Now, the question you're gonna ask is what's causing me to be in survival mode? So is it because of you don't have a place, uh roof over your head, or is it that you, for example, one of my clients, she was um 17 years old in a very conservative Christian household. Her father was a minister and said, You're gonna marry this young man who's also a minister. And she's like, Okay, I just want to please my daddy. So she marries this man because she should, because she doesn't want to disappoint daddy. So does she love him? Is this her first choice? No. So she lives a life that's not congruent with her true values, and the second it was and she was 17 years old, the second that she separated from her truth and married him, she started developing symptoms of anxiety, which over time, medication and then led to burnout, led to a breakdown. So this is an unsustainable. The second that you're not living congruently, your body reacts with a threat detection system, fight flight, over periods of time. It can turn into freeze, which then will turn into a shutdown. And then we'll label it burnout, might give you some pills or whatever. You may say, Hey, you should do this exercise or take these homeopathics, but very few places um really go upstream and say, All right, who are you? And are you living your life congruently with who you are? No, you don't know who you are. Well, let's find out. And so healing from these attachment wounds, becoming trigger-proof, and then learning the skill of elegant boundaries and then renegotiating all of your relationships, wondering, is this the workplace that's that's really aligned with who I'm becoming? Right. So I was feeling burnt out in my chiropractic practice, and then I started to do creation videos within my practice, and then slowly I started giving myself permission to start doing talks within my practice, then talks outside of my practice, finally selling my practice. And this whole journey is a journey of towards your authentic self. And when we don't live according to our authentic self, there is a consequence to that, and health and loss of vitality is just one of them.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Amazing. And this brings me to my next question. And you you hinted at it, but I would like your uh more elaborate answer. Um there are so many books, there are so many video content available, there are workshops, there are group sessions, but and also there are mentors and coaches and therapists available. So can you tell us why we need can can a person do it with a book? Can everybody do it with a book? Does everybody need a mentor? How do you see this?

SPEAKER_00 19:35

That's a great question. Yeah, these are skills.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Is so I'll say saturated. There are so many good ideas in there, but yeah, uh, a lot of people consume a lot of content but are not able to change their life. Yeah, can you please tell us?

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Totally, totally. Well, again, these are creators who've gone through their own journey, and then they will have somewhere to point to. Ultimately, what creates transformation is you actually have to use your body. You cannot transform without the use of your body, it has to go on a body-based level. So oftentimes people will read books, listen to podcasts like this, and watch videos on YouTube to get information, right? It's kind of like information on cooking, right? How many of us do I watch the cooking show? Oh, that's a great thing. I love that creator who showed me how to make this, right? And it's like, wow, is it valuable to watch those videos? Yeah, is it entertaining? Yes. Do you get insights? Yes, absolutely. Same with dancing. Can you read a book and watch a video on dancing and uh learn steps? Absolutely. This is amazing. Is it great information? Yes. Is it uh entertaining? Absolutely. Does it pique your interest? And you're like, ah, but at the end of the day, watching that video doesn't make you a better dancer. Watching the watching the videos on the golf swings, because I love golf, so my Facebook feed and my Instagram feeds are full of like golf trip videos and you know, tips and kind of hacks on, you know, improving, taking off some strokes of your game. And they're useful. Is it bad to watch those? No, it's not bad. It's great. But what's gonna make Nima a better golfer? I've got to get out there and I've got to do it. Now, can you do it without a uh kind of like a golfing instructor? I can, but I can't see my blind spots. So I can swing and go, wow, that's great. But if I really, depending on high, how high performance I am, this is why I like working with high performers, because you know. Like Scotty Scheffler, Tiger Woods, great golfers. Um, they're great golfers. So why do they need a coach who's probably not as good as them in golf, even? Well, because uh because somebody can't see themselves. The uh a mayonnaise jar cannot read itself from inside, can't read the label from the inside. So we have blind spots and we need strategic feedback, but only when you want to be a high performer in that thing, only when you want to collapse time. You can you can read the book on dancing, but it's like, okay, right now it's it's uh October, and uh I really want to be a good dancer by March. Why? Well, because it's important to me. Because I'm gonna have my wedding and there's gonna be photographers, and there's gonna be videos, and I want to get this dance done by that time. Great. Well, what's the best way to do it? Watching videos, or you're gonna hire somebody who's gonna make sure that they tell you where your blind spots are and where you're making a mistake, and hopefully be, you know, loving but firm and boundaried with you and describe it. In this world of relational dynamics, what's neat is the way that I healed is I got into a relationship with a very emotionally safe masculine man. And by experiencing the relationship with that, by being on the receiving end of that type of relationship, I feeling what I felt, I never felt guided by a safe yet elegantly boundaried masculine man. And as I experienced that in my body, I was like, oh, that's how I am to lead my clients. That's how I'm lead to lead my wife. And because I got into that relationship and I felt the experience and I experienced it, I now knew how to uh lead other people. It's like when you have a really great coach who coaches you really well, you become a better coach. You become a better uh uh so can you do it alone? Yeah, but life is short and I uh I want to uh I want to figure out what I'm missing. And I don't want somebody to just validate me. I want somebody to tell me what I'm missing. And I look and I find the person who's embodying it, who's living that life that I really want, who's who's mastered that skill, whether it's the piano or whether it's golf or whether I look at their or whether it's my fitness trainer, I can pick up the weights and do it myself. But having a guy there hold me accountable and say, no, no, no, keep going a little bit further and go three more reps that I wouldn't have done on my own because I want to stay comfortable. He's he's there to make me just a little bit uncomfortable, just to expand my capacity. So uh having a really good guide and a mentor um is collapses time. So make the choice based on where you want to be. So you got to make the choice for you. Where do you want to be?

SPEAKER_02 25:09

Thank you. Nima, before I let you go, I know you're on a schedule, but I want to ask you one more thing. Where can our listeners get in touch with you? Where can they apply for this trigger proof and boundary?

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Be be become triggerproof.com. The link will be in the show notes. My I believe my team has given it to you, and then all of my socials are there. The best place to begin is the trigger proof experience. So it's a monthly session I do uh in the Saturday evening uh one per month, and I dive deep into expanding that space between stimulus and response and understanding these unconscious patterns, where they're located in the body and how to move through them without suppressing them, without uh being consumed by them, so that you can respond rather than react. That's right, it's all on the website.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

Yeah, thank you. I will include it in in a show notes and uh Nima, thank you for being my guest. Thank you for sharing all these insights and uh thank you for doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Thank you for having me, my good sir.