SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Ask for the Skinny Podcast with a guest. I'm proud to present Ron Baker. Ron, welcome to our podcast. Please tell us more about yourself. What is your story?

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Well, thank you first of all for having me. I really appreciate it. Uh my story is unique in that I tried to do a lot of things in my life to find peace, fulfillment, um, oneness, I guess. And I did that by looking outside. So on an on a health side, I've ran marathons, I've played golf, I've ran Ironman's, all in an effort to find the next time, right? The next success, the next higher placement. Uh and each time I would achieve that, the success would only last in your mind until you thought, wow, but what if I did a little more? So I did that same thing in business. I've started businesses and sold them. I've worked in the corporate world now for about, oh, I don't know, a little over two decades, always for that next promotion, that next title, that next success. Uh, maybe turning a store or a region around from non-profitable to profitable, thinking that I would find success and fulfillment and feel that peace. And you do for a very short time because it's still outside of you. Uh finally, I found that inner peace by looking inside. And that's kind of the gist behind the book Coming Home is how to find what's already within you. Uh, and I didn't find it until, well, right around the midlife. So this kind of makes sense that we're talking. So that's where we're at. That's how I got here.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Yeah, amazing story. And I have so many questions that I would like to ask you. Uh, first, um, I would like to understand um how you feel about it or or what's your opinion on it. Uh is there a lack of fulfillment that we feel when we achieve a certain goal, uh, especially the big ones like you have achieved, like uh Marcos and Ironman's and stuff like that. Is that due to societal expectations that are uh uh put upon us and we we just watch what society is expecting of us, and then we set our goals according to society expectations, not according to our, let's say, inner self.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

I I very much think that you're exactly right, but I think it's really both. I think we want to achieve something that makes us feel good, and we think that that achievement is outside of us. Um, when I get that, I will be happy. When I achieve that, I'll be happy. But if we're not internally happy, whatever we've achieved or purchased will only fulfill us for a small time. Then, on top of that, you look around you and you say, Boy, I want to achieve that. And somebody else already has and they look happy. TV commercials make everybody look excited for what they just purchased, right? Um the next diet, oh, those people look so healthy. If I did that, then I would feel good. So I think it's really both. We want something and we're looking outside, and society's telling us if we had it, we would be like the people we see who really aren't even being themselves in that moment, right? And so I think it's both inside and outside.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Okay, so you you told us about your story, how you started looking inside. Can you elaborate a bit more about that? What was the turning point? When did you start looking inside? What was there a moment? Is there a phase? How did it look like uh for you?

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Yeah, about uh 10 or 12 years ago, um, I was over about 17 stores at the time and was doing very, very well, very successful, uh, financially doing very, very well. Uh, the stores that I had been given were were successful at the moment. And I just still didn't feel that peace, I thought, that fulfillment, I thought. And so I figured I know what I can do. I'll intellectually find it. So over the last 10 or 12 years, I've read hundreds of books. Um, I would listen to a different book in the car on the way to work than I was reading when I was at home. Excuse me, I'd attend podcasts, uh, go to seminars. I was going to intellectually find out how to find the inner peace or the fulfillment. All of that was fine, and I certainly learned a lot. Um, however, it still didn't help me find that peace. The moment actually was on my deck. Go ahead. You were gonna ask something.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Yeah, uh the uh I I really like how you you you are uh posing. So how how you are positioning yourself uh with uh this intellectual uh find out and a lot of our listeners is uh are uh is struggling with with um finding the right book and uh reading the right text, listening to the right podcast. Uh can you tell us a bit more how did you transition from intellectual the next thing that uh make it made it work for you?

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Yeah, so uh I was uh single at the time and I had a wonderful girlfriend. I was sitting on the deck, her deck at the time, um, and and I was I was comfortable in a way that I've never been comfortable. I wasn't thinking, I wasn't doing anything, I wasn't trying to be something different. Uh just sitting there and peace, just I don't know, I just finally felt like this is what it feels like. Um, my wife, she's my wife now. Um, thankfully, she accepted me, right? Uh, sitting on the deck said, What are you thinking? And I said, I just feel at peace. And she said, What does it feel like? I said, It feels like coming home. The create that's actually how the name of the book came to pass is the by that. But it wasn't a moment of trying to find something, it wasn't a moment of reading another passage, it was a moment of finally letting all that go and just having peace. And that's when I transitioned from intellectual to it must be inside me, not outside. And that and that's where this journey kind of has taken me.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Amazing story. And I really like how you explain it in in a way that when you stopped uh chasing it, it's can can can you can you uh tell us a bit more? Because I I I imagine that you have similar stories that most of us have that uh in the beginning or we start by chasing it and uh we start and we chase so hard that we chase the happiness away.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Can you give us a couple of uh insights in in this uh chase, how it looked like for you?

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Oh, it was a chase. Um, at one point in my life, I felt like if if I could finish 10th in an Iron Man, I would have it, right? And so I was literally uh exercising and training 35 to 40 hours a week. I was working at my career at the moment for 50 hours a week. I was eating a specific diet, um, so specific, I was straining cottage cheese so that I only got the protein. I mean, I went crazy with if I do this perfectly, I'm gonna accomplish something. And I remember in that particular Iron Man, I finished 11th. I didn't make it into the top 10. And and no matter how hard I had trained, somehow there was a fulfillment finishing it, but right away, very shortly after, what I could have done better, what I could have done more, and what I'm gonna do next time, I just never got to feel the success. Career, same thing. I took a region for the company I worked for that had not made money in several years. We made money in one year. You would think, ah, you've proven yourself, you're successful. I still didn't feel it. It can't be found outside. Now, I'm not suggesting I don't still pursue goals. I do. Um, I still want to be successful, I still want to I speak in front of groups, I I have author events, I'm doing podcasts. I want to be successful, but not for fulfillment. Yeah, that's an achievement.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Uh for for all those that do not know the Iron Man, um uh finishing 11 in Iron Man is uh like going to Olympics. It's like uh it's this is a huge achievement, it's not uh easy, and especially the the the more popular races. Uh this is uh huge. And um and and and that is why he's using that as a uh probably as an example that uh despite this huge achievement, uh there was no satisfaction in it, or it did not last uh more than a couple of uh minutes, and then uh realization what are all the sorrows, what should be done differently, and what can be improved and stuff like that. So never good enough. What I would like to ask you because I'm a coach and I ask most of my uh uh guests that question is um you you you wrote a book about it, uh uh and was is there any mentor or coach that has helped you in your journey? I would like to know more about it.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

You know, interestingly enough, there was. I I had a a man in the business that I was working for in the corporate world that that really did help me understand. He used to say things like, when this business is no longer, they won't remember you. So why is everything have to be success in the business? Now I never related that properly until he him and I do not speak very often anymore, a few times a year. But what he said to me back then came to me later in life. Um, and I think he was trying to teach me that. Success in business is wonderful, but it doesn't cause fulfillment and peace inside. Um outside of that, it's really been authors, people that I have read, books that I have read that I believe were trying to get me to feel the way that I currently am trying to feel. But I was so wrapped up intellectually and understanding it that I wasn't feeling it internally. That to me is the real difference. Um, we can't think our way into peace, we have to feel our way into peace. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yes, yes, but uh the the question uh that comes to my mind immediately is especially because I I I needed so long to to to get there um and probably did uh all the other ones first uh that were going nowhere uh before I managed to feel uh this inner uh peace and uh success. Uh what was uh your you uh mentioned relaxing on the porch of your uh now wife. Uh what was your go-to technique to get this feeling? Because there are so many techniques that we read about and we watch so many shorts about technique, what you have to do, how do you come in touch with with your body? Do you have to do meditation, uh breathing techniques, um yoga, mantras, all this stuff. What what was your go-to technique?

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Breathe. Really, really, it's that simple. Uh yes, I do meditate every morning. Um, I believe that that helps me kind of start my day off with a nice, fresh perspective and being present. But to me, that's not the most important part. Mindfulness is not 30 minutes on a on a cushion in the morning. Mindfulness can be all day. Um, my favorite technique for me is am I where my feet are? Um do we carry into if I go to a meeting, am I carrying the past meeting into the next one? If you are, then the person you're meeting with doesn't have all of you. Um when I come home, am I walking in with business still following me? Or am I home with my wife? A simple way for me to do that is am I where my feet are? And then I just take a quick breath, realize I'm here, let's be here. Um, and so it's a simple to me, it's a simple thing, but you just have to catch yourself. Am I where my feet are?

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Yeah, being present in time and in place is extremely important, and is extremely rare trait these days because so many people are depressed or anxious. That means that's right. And if they're anxious, they're be they're living in the future. So being here and now is extremely important, and I really like your way of uh am I where my feet are.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

There's some phrases I use like uh remember but don't ruminate. You can remember things, but don't ruminate over them, right? Um, you can plan but don't uh strive. Um, there are ways to think about the future and to remember the past, but all too often we turn them into rumination, which becomes depression, or striving, which becomes anxiety. We have to approach them a little bit different. Even planning, you can be present. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yes, yes, it's it's it's it's important to be here and now that's right, that's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

In any moment, you have the ability to be here now.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Yeah, yeah, and but it takes a lot to learn. Um can we can we talk a bit about your book Coming Home? Can you explain uh you explained a bit of uh how did the the the title come uh about? But can you explain a bit more about the synthesis of the book and uh what it offers to uh the readers?

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Yeah, so for me, it the title is Coming Home: A Regular Guy's Guide to Waking Up to What's Already Within You. I'm just a regular guy. It's written for everyone in regular language. As I read different books um and and studied, like I mentioned, intellectually, I realized that sometimes there's such a uh a tend towards philosophy or towards religion or towards science, and it's having to choose between those things. I wrote the book so that a person could just take away little things that I've done, little experiences I've had. Uh writing it, I've I became fairly vulnerable. It it there is things in there that said, look, I didn't do it right. Uh, here's where I have failed. But there's no magical steps. Um, there's nothing that you have to become or do. The book is literally just to help you, whatever techniques you can, to look inside and find that inner peace that's already within you. Um, and so it's just a guide. Uh, page 21, for example, talks about the 3 a.m. mind. We all wake up with that anxiety and you can't get it out. Now we can't sleep. Well, there's just a little tip in there about how to think about what you're thinking, which actually turns the thinking off and allows you to sleep again. Just some things like that to help a person really truly find inner peace within.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Uh, is book already available on Amazon?

SPEAKER_01 18:03

It is. Yes, it's been out for about a month now. Um, success has been good. Uh, it's there's some reviews that really touched me. Uh, truthfully, writing it probably helped me more than what might help the readers, right? It helped me kind of put my life down. If I could just touch one life, having sold the book, and and some reviews that were unsolicited have talked to me about peace in a paperback. Uh, reconsidering my life really changed my focus. That matters so much to me. Um, that somebody else has found something in what I wrote that helped them become a better individual, a better person is uh is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Thank you, Ron. Before I let you go, uh please uh tell us where can our listeners get in touch with you? Is there a web page that they can contact you on?

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Or yeah, so my webpage is ronbakerauthor.com. And on there you could I you can sign up for speaking engagements. I speak in front of corporations and uh different organizations uh about peace and presence, how it makes us better leaders, better workers, and better individuals. Uh, I have letters from home on there. It's just a weekly email that I send out, no spam, no junk, just a weekly presence, little tips, help people find presence and peace. Uh, and then of course, the link to the book is on there as well. But uh, a little bit more about me. It's it's at ronbakerauthor.com.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Ron, thank you for all these insights. You're amazing. Thank you for being in the moment for the whole time, and thank you for sharing your story with us.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

You bet, thank you for having me. I surely appreciate it.