SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Ask Full Skinny Podcast with a guest. I'm proud to present Kevin Davies. Kevin, welcome to the show. Please tell us tell us more about yourself. What is your story?

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Thanks so much, Peter. Appreciate you having me on. So my story is a little bit long and lengthy, so I'll keep it uh relatively brief. But I'm here in Bozeman, Montana, which, if you've watched the show Yellowstone, depending on where the listeners are, we're a little bit nicer here and don't kill quite so many people. Um, if you've ever seen that show or you want to YouTube it, uh you you understand what I'm talking about. But typically, so I'm an entrepreneur, I've been a serial entrepreneur since the early so the mid-90s. So I'm 53, so that's a long time. Um, I own four businesses and I have about eight brands right now, anywhere from e-commerce to business consulting, fractional COO, fractional CMO. Um, so I do a little bit of everything. And over the last year, we're trying to kind of whittle that down to be more concise. But primarily what I do now is I help men um with three areas, which is man mission marriage. Um, marriage is obvious. We do this thing called pursuing her desires, which is getting your PhD in your wife. Um, and then we do health, fitness, and mindset and faith, and then entrepreneurship, community, um, having an impact on the world. So that's typically what I spend most of my time doing now as coaching men in those areas.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Okay. I have to address the elephant in the room. Uh, what do you think about Andrew Tate and uh his approach to the manhood? Is there any salt into that or is that just completely out of the scale?

SPEAKER_00 1:46

I mean, it's a it's you know the manosphere, right? That's the uh that's the buzzword that they're using. And I mean, I don't you look, I think it's a caricature. I think he's created a character um in order to get views and attention, and and hence, you know, you make a ton of money. What I think is dangerous is that we're in a situation now in society, and I don't know how it is uh really in Slovenia or in other parts of Europe in terms of what young men are facing, but I know in our country and in similar Western countries, because of all the gender politics and and you know different things that are going on, I think young men have a hard time really understanding what it means to be a man and what true masculinity looks like. And for me, troop, it's funny. I literally just got off right before we got on. I sent a video to a friend of mine who's like the man's man, hunter, you know, like super amazing guy. But I said, you to me represent true masculinity because the first thing you want to do is serve other people, whether it's other men, people that he coaches, his wife, his community. And to me, that's real masculinity. And where I think Andrew Tate and others in the manosphere get it wrong is they treat women in a way it's not, it's it's somewhat leadership, but it's a bit adulterated. Uh, we talk a lot about servant leadership, and so I'm here to serve my wife. We've been married 31 years, and it gets better every year. And so obviously, I know a little something. Um, it's it's working and we're very happy. But my wife's a total badass, like boxer, car builder, fabricator, welder. Like, she's she's a badass. So, like, but I can lead her in a servant leadership standpoint in our relationship without demeaning and and minimizing who she is as a woman. Is that that's a really long answer, but that's kind of that's kind of what I feel about it.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Yeah, it's it's it's important to know that um I I I do believe even that this uh this kind of um representation of what is uh being a man by representing a manhood like uh being a jerk is uh is not going doing anyone any good. Um and and and I believe that part of the burnout and midlife crisis is also uh not knowing uh how to act as a man, how to stand up, how to uh how to be of service. And also the biggest challenge that I see right now is all these societal expectations. You're a man, men up, and stuff like that. But what does that mean in today's term?

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Yeah, and it's an identity crisis, really. When you talk about midlife crisis, I think it's really a crisis of identity. Um, and we talked a little bit before we got on that a big thing that I talk about is what have you spent your life doing? You know, I'm like I said, I'm in my early 50s, and if I have spent my life building things that don't really have a long-term impact um in terms of like my own relationships, and if it's you know, if you're married, then your relationship, if you have kids, relationship, but even to your community. And I think that the burnout and the confusion comes is that we really and you I'll meet I meet a lot of men that are like this. It's like I don't even really know who I am uh as a man, like what things do I really like? I have no hobbies, I have you know, I've built this, you know, eight-figure business, is some of the guys, but that's it, that's all I have. You know, it's like what's the point? And then they're like, What's the point? And so that's really an identity part of what happens.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Yeah, before we started recording, we had a quick chat, and you mentioned something that I really like, and uh I'll I'll try to rephrase it. Uh you said that most people are wasting or investing their life in order to build business, but it should be other way around. Our business should build our life. Can you elaborate uh a bit more on that?

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Yeah, I mean, I think for men in general, but I think women do the same things, and and honestly, women tend to do it if they're depending on what their role is, they will invest more into their kids uh or into their business or whatever they're building. But men in particular, the ones that we work with, typically they actually will give up their lives in order to build a business, some sort of financial gain, some sort of financial goal, and then they they they're just using their lives. So, you know, 80 hours a week, 100 hours a week, they're on their third marriage, their kids don't talk to them, they're 60 pounds overweight, and so like that would mean that that represents to me like, okay, you've used all of these precious gifts in order to build this thing. And my philosophy and what I teach men, I think the better, you know, just this is what I teach, so I think it's better is the resources that you get from building a business, having a great job, having financial freedom, quote unquote, or just having financial means, that actually is designed to then allow you to create the life that you want. And and it's so often, I think in our society, it's so backwards the hustle culture and the grind and all of all of those things. And I think it's really being mindful of where you're spending your time. We use a little bit of an exercise, which is, you know, if I asked most men what are your three top priorities, you know, they'll say, My wife, my family, my, you know, this. And I'm like, all right, cool, let's open up your calendar. And I can look at your calendar in the last three weeks and tell you whether or not that's true. And I think if you're listening to this and you in your mind you think that that's your priority, I would just encourage you to do that, get a real true evaluation, and then figure out what changes you can make to begin to have better prioritization of the things that really matter.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

I I would ask something that I asked almost every guest, and I I um I'm I'm really deep into that, and uh or I firmly believe that some things cannot be solved on our own, and there there are books that help us uh uncover a lot, and the books are really useful. Uh I wrote a lot of books also myself. I really appreciate all appreciate all the authors that come on my show. Um but when is the time to get a mentor, a coach, to help us uh see our blind spot and say, okay, you don't see this, you're doing this wrong. For example, um, I really like the accountability exercise that you mentioned. You said your life is your first priority, but uh your schedule is all about your company. So um ha ha ha how is this uh not matching somehow? So I I really like how you become an accountability partner immediately. And I would like to talk with you about that, how important in this time it is to get mentored coach to help you go through your life and just to see the blind spot, what's wrong, what we have to do differently.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Yeah, I mean, I think that really like I don't I saw this thing from Dan Martell the other day. It said, I don't I would never hire a coach that doesn't have a coach. And so that's the that's the number one thing. I have like three, right? Depending on, and then I have other friends that also speak in to my life, which is which is missing for a lot of people, both men and women. Um, but I think it's a situation where we we never we never see ourselves the way that we really are, and that's in two ways. That's either a positive way or a negative way. You know, we either think we're better looking, more fit, and more successful than we really are, or we think we're we're worse. You know, we'll all we are our biggest critics. And so I think having a having a great coach, one that can actually speak into your life in both directions. You know, one of the things that I and again to use the example of the video I just sent my friend, I have this rule that if, you know, hey, Peter came on my mind this morning, he's kind of on my heart. I want to shoot him a text that just says, Hey, I was thinking about you. I hope you have a great day. I appreciate you in my life. Stuff like that, right? And and a coach takes that to the next level, which is we can spend time together. And I can actually, I can say, okay, these are the things that you're really doing well. Let's focus on some of that stuff. But if we tweaked these small things, how much better would your life, business, health and fitness, all of those things be? Because I think for us as people, we get so involved in what we're doing on a day-to-day basis that we don't see what we call, you know, 40,000, 40,000 foot view. You know, you got to be able to look at it from above. I do a lot of business consulting as well. And typically within the first couple of meetings, I can find, you know, $50 to $100,000 worth of leaks in their business by just saying, Well, tell me about what you're doing in this area, and they'll tell me. And I'm like, A, you're wasting time, and B, you're wasting money. If you did it this way, what if you did it this way? And I always like to ask questions, what if you did it this way? What would that look like? And then they're like, dude, I can't believe I didn't think about that. So that's what good coaching really is, is asking the questions to bring out the answers that most business owners know, but but but they can't quite put their finger on it because they're in involved in everything else that they're doing.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Amazing. So how can we get rid of this um let's say guilt that society is putting on a man right now if we want to lead, if we want to build something, uh, if we want to compete. How can we get out of that without being a jerk?

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Well, I mean, I think guilt, shame, worry, all of those things are centered around creating a scenario and a world that doesn't really exist. Um, and one of the ways that I put it is it most people don't care about you as you think you they do. Like most people are not thinking about you. So the embarrassment, the shame, the guilt, all of those things are completely irrelevant because they're self-imposed. You know, we I had a conversation with a guy last night, and he was like, Sometimes my wife will ask me, you know, did I say the wrong thing? Did I do this at like a dinner or a party? And he was like, honey, they aren't going home and thinking about what you said at dinner. Like they're not, they're they're just not concerned about you because we as a society are so egotistical and narcissistic, we're doing the same thing, which she's being basically self-centered because she's wondering if her words impacted other people in a negative way. And we all do the same thing. It's like, was I too much? Like, did I was I too loud? Did I tell too many stories? And I asked, I actually asked my wife that after we do things. Uh, but I think the guilt aspect of it is just one that if you really begin to explore and learn who you are as a man or as a person, um, and really begin to understand that person, then the guilt pretty much goes away because you're like, hey, this is I don't have anything to feel guilty for, even if you've done something horrendous, you know, like it's you cheated on your spouse or you whatever, right? Like you you did something illegal. That's something that happened and now it's no longer happening. So, how do you how do you basically move on from that and create a life, not in spite of it, but almost because of it?

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Amazing. Um, can we touch uh on your book a bit? Uh can you tell us more about your book? And um because I'm also an author, I I always like to ask what motivated you uh to write the book and uh can you tell us a story behind the book, how how the book came about?

SPEAKER_00 14:38

And well, I mean, I think it would be poignant uh or pertinent to actually give the title, which I usually like to make the the host say this word, but it's uh how I lost my left nut and other life lessons, how to how to live a maxed out life. And so essentially what this is is a group of stories from my life. Um, we have lived so many crazy stories, and there's 17 of them in here, but there's probably a thousand that I could have told. Um, and it's really just our journey between doing something crazy, doing something fun, having crazy things happen to me and my wife or my family. But then really begin to step back and like, okay, what can I, what is the lesson in in each of these stories? And then what strategy could I use to integrate that lesson in my life? So that was the intention is like, let's not just tell a bunch of crazy stories or fun stories, but let's take and help people see their own story and really to begin to see the lessons and strategies from their own stories, using this as kind of a guideline for that. And there's, you know, there's crazy stories about you know, a motorcycle accident and and then how I almost ruined my own marriage, you know, whenever we were newly married, which is um which is part of again part of my journey. And it also allowed me to now have a 31-year marriage plus, and we're doing absolutely awesome. And so that's the that's kind of the premise and the purpose of the book. Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Uh and uh this is for men or for men and women?

SPEAKER_00 16:14

No, typically I write I I coach men, but this is written in such a way that it's for men or women. Um, some of the stories, because I am a guy, right? Some of the stories are more, you know, written from my from my um from my perspective and viewpoint. However, my wife absolutely loved it. My mother-in-law, who's in her 80s, was absolutely loved it, which was crazy to me. But um, but yeah, we've had some really good feedback, and a lot of the feedback we've gotten has actually been from women.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Amazing. So to wrap up, what is what is the the best way to start becoming a man?

SPEAKER_00 16:57

I think really self-discovery, like begin to have conversations with the most important people in your life and just ask that question. I ask that question of my wife all the time. It's like, how can I be a better man and husband for you this week? Like, if you look back on last week, where did I where did I maybe falter, or where was I not the kind of man that you need me to be? And that self-reflection then allows you to begin to evaluate those areas in your life that are lacking. And I'm not gonna say wrong, I just say lacking, you know, if you're a guy that you know looks down and you can't see your feet because your belly so the is too big, um, and you don't sleep well and you don't feel well and you're tired, that's a pretty good indication of what your physical health is like, you know, and and your mental health and and those kind of things. And and you know, if your marriage is not, if if if someone says, you know, how's your marriage? And you can't instantly say it's absolutely awesome, then that's a good evaluation point to say, what is it that is preventing me from saying that it's awesome? Um, and so those are those are some of those things. And the same with your business. You can look at the healthier business and make decisions that way too. But as far as just being the overall man, and we look at it from a holistic standpoint, you can't just be a really good business person. You can't just be a good husband, you can't just be fit. You have to bring all of those pieces together, throw some spirituality in there as well, uh, in order to in order to build a life that's worth living.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

Amazing. Kevin, thank you for all these insights. And before I let you go, please tell us uh where can our listeners and viewers uh get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Well, I have a free gift. So if you want to, you can go to toolkit.maxedoutman.com and that will actually give you a free, what we call it a uh it's the husband she wants, but it's actually has some cool stuff for wives as well. But if you go there, um we'll send you some a bunch of little tools like date night stuff, conversation cards. I have this thing called the marriage translator, which is which is kind of funny, which is a AI-driven um like translator, if you say one thing, what you really meant. Uh so that's great. Toolkit.maxoutman.com. You can go to maxoutman.com and learn about all the other stuff we do. And then I'm on all the socials, uh, Kevin Davis. And then if you want to get the book, if you're interested in the book, it's on Amazon. So you can just search for that. And if you typically if you search for how I lost, it'll pop right up. So um, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

Kevin, thank you for all the insights and thank you for being my guest tonight.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Thanks so much, man. Have a great day.