SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Ask for the Skinny Podcast with a guest. I'm proud to present Team Schur. Team, welcome to the show. Please tell us more about yourself. What is your story?

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Thank you, Peter. So uh my story is that I started out 37 years ago trying to figure out how to find a sense of peace, right, instead of all the pressure. I wanted to get rid of the self-sabotage so that I could achieve goals and believe in myself more. And I remember talking to a counselor one time and he said, Tim, you have generalized anxiety disorder. And I'm like, Well, how do I get generalized confidence in order? How do I feel good and achieve goals without feeling the squeeze, without feeling all the pressure, without feeling all the uncertainty? How can I just go through life and enjoy myself and get from the day instead of being stressed out by the day? And so I spent years trying to find that answer and I found it, and not in the way that I expected. And so uh I have been working with thousands of people for nearly 40 years uh to figure out how to unlock that feeling of peace, how to have more happiness and joy, how to be able to let go of constantly feeling like you have to be on, constantly feeling like you can never let your guards down, right? Constantly feeling like you should be farther along than you are, and really how to just get the most amount of joy out of every day instead of just trying to survive another one. And so I'm very excited to share with you all the secrets and all the the uh insights that I've gained from this journey.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Amazing story. I have so many questions. Uh, let's start with um you you you mentioned that uh everyone is feeling stressed what they should achieve, and um there is so many things that we want to do, and we're stressed by every day instead of uh being grateful for what we have already achieved. Um and uh I I know you're an expert. Is our uh nervous system um wired that way, or uh is that just because of the overstimulation that we are experiencing on the uh daily practically?

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Yes, the answer is both, and it's a great question. Our brain is wired, our nervous system is wired for survival, right? So most of us are going through life trying to figure out at a subconscious level how do I survive. I call it playing not to lose. When you're playing not to lose, you're like, how do I not get hurt? How do I not get taken advantage of? How do I not feel rejected? How do I not feel um not good enough? Right. So we're constantly playing where how do I not get hurt? And when you are showing up that way, and a lot of achievers are doing that, we just don't realize it. A lot of high performers are doing that. That's what drives the imposter syndrome, that's what drives self-sabotage, that's what can lead to burnout because we feel like you know, we're always trying to prove ourselves and we're always trying to make sure we're okay at some level. And the problem with that approach is that when you're playing not to lose, it will feel a lot of times like you're losing, even though you're not. So you can have all these accomplishments and still feel like it's not enough. You can do all these amazing things with your life and still feel like, yeah, but I haven't accomplished this goal yet. Or what did I do today? Right. Everything I accomplished was in the past. I haven't done anything new today. Or every time we lose momentum, or we get a deal and it falls apart, then all of a sudden we start to feel like we're not good enough again. And so uh it goes beyond just survival instincts. It really has more to do with the beliefs that are formed in our mind from our childhood experiences. That's what I ultimately realized that when we are children growing up, we go through experiences, and our brain is always trying to make sense of what those experiences mean. And so sometimes, uh, so if you get embarrassed standing in front of the class when you're, you know, nine years old to give a presentation and it doesn't go well, and everybody laughs, and you get nervous or embarrassed or scared, your brain doesn't say, Well, it's just because I'm a kid and kids make fun of each other and it's going to be okay, I'll get better. Our brain says, This is terrible, and I should not stand in front of people and talk anymore. So all of a sudden, our brain creates this belief, this idea that I can't be a public speaker because it's too scary for me, or I can't be in front of groups. And so now it creates social anxiety. Now, our brain is creating this belief without our permission and without our experience, and it's doing it from the perspective of a nine-year-old. And unfortunately, our brain makes up most of the rules that are guiding us as adults. Most of those rules, most of those beliefs are formed by the time we're, you know, 17 years old. So it influences how we show up every day. Those beliefs influence our love life, our finances, how we take risks, you know, the confidence that we have in ourselves. When I'm working with people that are in their 50s and 60s and sometimes older, when we start to do the work, when we start figuring out what the real problem is, it comes back to some self-limiting belief that they had developed when they were eight years old and they didn't even remember it, the situation. And so that is the biggest takeaway. It's not really just because our brain is trying to survive, it's because we have a lot of beliefs in our mind, a lot of life rules that are influencing how we feel about ourselves, others, and the world around us. And because they're stored in our unconscious mind, we don't even know they're there. So it's kind of like being a high performance race car, but you've got a parking brake set and you didn't know the parking brake was on. And often all we have to do is release the brake for you to be able to take off in the way that you know you can.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Amazing. So would you say that um the more the uh the most uh or more successful the people are or that we are, uh more problems we face. And uh the the um the lower our self-esteem is.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Um, I wouldn't say that exactly because there's people that are not feeling very successful that also have a lot of problems, that also feel very stressed out, uh, and it affects their confidence as well. So, whatever level you're showing up at, I do think that that people who perform at a higher level probably do experience a lot more pressure and uncertainty because we're constantly pushing it. We're constantly putting ourselves in situations that can feel incredibly uncomfortable because we believe that's how we grow. We believe we have to create our own luck, right? And we have to take calculated risks, and we're willing to put ourselves out there in a bigger way, maybe sometimes even publicly in a bigger way than other people do, that definitely can create more pressure, right? And you do bring up a good point. I always thought the more successful I would be, the the less I would have to do. I had this idea that if I just made a bunch of money and and uh I was successful and or famous in some way, then I could just lay around and do whatever I want. And I found the opposite to be the case. I had more opportunities, more people coming at me, bigger decisions to make. Those decisions carried more weight, right? So the decisions weren't just affecting me. If I made a wrong decision, it might affect a whole bunch of other people, you know, in my life. And so uh so I think that everybody has problems and everybody has pressure, and most everybody struggles with their self-confidence. However, I think that uh high performers and people who are out there, um, like if you're in a uh commission sales situation, or you're owning your own business, or you have programs like a podcast, right? That there is extra pressure because you are having to put yourself out there so many times. And the level of pressure and the level of uncertainty is really high. And it feels like you're constantly in charge of taking nothing and turning it into something. And that can create a tremendous amount of pressure and stress. So we have to develop two things. One, we've got to develop new skills that allow us to manage these opportunities more effectively. And then the most important thing is we have to upgrade our beliefs to match where we're at. Because a lot of times it's kind of like trying to use an iPhone 5. You know, they have the iPhone 17 out, but we're trying to use the iPhone 5 software to manage an iPhone 17 set of issues, you know, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Yeah, that is that is uh a great subject, and we I would love to expand a bit on it. Um, is our growth um limited by our limiting beliefs?

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Yes, 100%. Yeah, the quality of your life is being determined by the quality of your unconscious beliefs and the quality of the questions that you ask yourself on a daily basis. So your beliefs are the lens that allow you to look through life. And those beliefs are going to influence what you look at, what you notice, what actions you take, what actions you don't take, and how you interpret what's going on in your life. It's not the situations, it's how you interpret the situations to yourself. Whether you look at a problem as a problem or an opportunity. Do you look at a setback as feedback that it's not gonna work out? Or do you look at a setback as an opportunity to learn from it so it makes you stronger so you win better the next time? Right? It you're gonna notice situations and opportunities. If you believe that you're always having opportunities and miracles show up in your life, then you're gonna always be noticing them and taking action on them. If you believe that you have bad luck and nothing ever works out for you, then you won't even notice the opportunities. And if you do, you will not act on them because you think that it could get worse or it's not gonna work out anyway. So our beliefs are the number one thing. Everybody focuses on mindset. Mindset is how you talk to yourself every day. And it's important to develop your mindset. But what's generating that self-talk? What's generating the thoughts that are popping into your mind? Well, that's the beliefs underneath the mindset in your unconscious mind. So for decades, I worked on helping people with the mindset. But what if you work with people who already have an amazing mindset? How do you help them? Well, I discovered that you got to go deeper than that into your unconscious mind, into the library of your brain, or into the computer of your brain, and you got to update the software. Because a lot of us have downloaded mental malware, right? These mind viruses that we need to be removed. So I always tell people it's like um having a bucket of water, a barrel, a barrel of water, and your mindset is pouring in affirmations and vision boards and and uh watching YouTube videos and all that good stuff, doing yoga, breathing, journaling, you know, all the stuff that you pour in for your mindset, but there's a hole in the bottom of the barrel. So it doesn't matter how much you pour in if there's a hole in the bottom of the barrel. And the hole is our limiting beliefs. So we got to patch that hole first before we do anything else if you want to feel fulfilled.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Amazing. And I know you have helped thousands of people already. And I have a question that I often ask, and that is uh according to your experience, what is the best way to move in our life? Is that watching a YouTube video is uh is is is a book better? Uh do we have to go to the workshops? Do we uh have to get a mentor or coach or or therapist? What what is the best way to advance?

SPEAKER_01 13:16

That is a brilliant question. So I think that uh there's two things that that really help people have a more satisfying, successful, fulfilling life. We need to become a wisdom collector and a belief hunter. Okay, so a belief hunter is someone who is always saying, What would I have to believe to feel this way? What would I have to believe to think this way? What would I have to believe to behave in the way that I'm behaving? And try to get to the deepest core belief. And I can give you some examples. But we want to figure out what is the belief that's driving the way that I'm thinking. Because if you're feeling burned out, for example, if you're having a midlife crisis, what would you have to believe to feel those emotions? I'd have to believe that I'm unfulfilled, that I've worked really hard, and the and the ROI, the return on investment, is not matching the effort put forth. I'm working really hard and I'm not getting the return that I feel I deserve. And all of a sudden we start to feel like what we're doing isn't doesn't matter. And the belief is that not only does it not matter, but there's nothing I can do about it. That's the real belief. And if you think that there's nothing you can do about it, what would you have to believe then? Well, I'd probably have to believe that I'm not good enough to figure this out. And so then we're dealing with this belief that I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough to succeed at work. I'm not good enough to succeed with my spouse, I'm not good enough to succeed with my children, right? And then all of a sudden, or I'm not good enough to succeed with my health. Maybe I put on 50 pounds or 100 pounds and I can't get rid of it, or I'm still chewing my fingernails, or I'm smoking, or I'm secretly gambling, right? Or whatever other, you know, vices that we have. And so it comes down to this belief. And what we need to do is we need to heal up that belief. And you heal up your beliefs by collecting wisdom. Okay. So all of these experiences allow you to gain wisdom. So it doesn't matter how you do it. All the ways that you described are very useful, right? If if you want to read a book or listen to an audiobook, that depends on your personality. Are you more visual or are you more auditory? Right? Would you rather listen or would you rather read? So both are fine, right? What matters is that you do it. So, because that's how you gain more wisdom is from outside perspective. It's very difficult to change just by ourselves. We need other people to give us new information that we don't have or help us to see the blind spots that we cannot see on our own. Because we all have blind spots. We all have areas where we're not noticing it. It's easier to see it in others, but it's very difficult to notice it in ourselves. And so you definitely need other people, whether it's a coach, a mentor, a therapist, right, a hypnotherapist, uh, a spiritual guide, a mentor, right? A pastor, a priest, a preacher, whoever it may be, we need outside input. You know, often just listen to our spouse. Sometimes our spouse is telling us, you know, maybe uh uh aggressively, you know, what we need to do to be better, and we need to look at that as an opportunity instead of getting frustrated. Right? So so we gotta we gotta collect that wisdom and uh and use that wisdom to upgrade our beliefs.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Amazing. Uh two more things before we conclude this episode. What would be your number one advice for people experiencing midlife crisis? What should be their uh first task or the first step that they should uh take uh to improve their situation?

SPEAKER_01 17:02

So the first thing that I recommend is that you create some space to just think because a lot of times what we are being taught to do is hustle harder, push faster, do more. And I think the opposite is the case. I think sometimes we have too much going on, and so we're just feeling overwhelmed, and we don't have any time to just get away from it and think. So we're trying to sleep more, we're drinking more alcohol, we're we're just trying to, you know, get through it. And I think that in those situations, the best thing you can do is step away. Go for a longer walk, get in nature, go take a nap and listen to an audio program that helps you feel confident, not this trying to motivate you, but this just helps you feel like you're okay, that you're safe, that you're gonna be okay, that everything works out for you in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it just means it isn't the end. Some of my best ideas came to me when I was taking a shower. Albert Einstein said his best ideas and theories came when he was napping in daydreams, right? Not when he was out there pushing or writing theories on a chalkboard, but when he wasn't working and he let it all go, that's when the best ideas, that's when God talks to you. Right? I feel like God's always talking to us, but we're too busy to listen. And so you don't have to meditate, but you can, you got to create space where you're not doing anything so that you can just get quiet and think and let the ideas come to you. I get my mind quiet, and then every morning I pay attention before I get out of bed, before I even open my eyes. I say a prayer for gratitude for giving me another day to play. And then I think I just listen and I wait for whatever I'm supposed to do to just download into my mind. And it does consistently, and what comes into my mind is really, really good. Now it wasn't always like that. I had to train myself. So I had to make sure that I was focusing on what am I doing right before I go to bed? You know, am I am I having arguments? Am I focusing on what's not working? Am I reviewing what I'm overwhelmed with? Am I uh fearful about what's gonna happen in the future? Am I watching stressful movies right before bed? Because that's gonna influence you when you sleep at night. So I try to create more peace right before I fall asleep. And then in the morning I'm paying attention and listening and praying and getting quiet so that I can focus on uh allowing what I'm supposed to do next to flow into my mind. And I trust that that's gonna happen, and it does consistently. Okay. So I think that it's very important that we create space for us to get quiet so that we can then gain that wisdom and understand what beliefs are driving us. So creating space to be that wisdom collector and be that belief hunter is essential. If you want to create a breakthrough, that's where you start. And remember one more thing your biggest breakthroughs are hiding in the places you don't want to go. So if you're if you want to create a breakthrough today, figure out where are you resisting? What are you putting off, right? What big moves are you not making? Because we got a play to win, right? We don't want to play not to lose. We want to play to win. And so ask yourself, what am I been holding off? The difficult conversation, the call that I need to make, the apology that I need to make, the work I need to do on myself, the commitment I need to make to myself that I now keep instead of breaking and then letting myself down, right? That is going to help you play to win, and that's going to help you to move from burnout, because we're not really burned out. We've just got faulty beliefs, and we're not creating enough space for ourselves to reset. If you do that, then you will find that your life is not as bad as you think. And if you're in a hole right now, if you're in a rainy season of life, which you know, a lot of times the world around us can feel that way, you have the ability to reset. It doesn't matter what shows up. What matters is how you show up.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Amazing, Tim. Before we finish, please uh let our listeners and viewers know where they can get in touch with you.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Thank you. Yeah, so you can uh well here you I'm on social media, you can follow me on social media, and then um I have a website, uh Timsure.com uh or indiehypnosis.com. We can put those links in there. And if you want to start for free, if you give this show five stars and you share it with your friends, you make sure you subscribe because it takes a lot of effort to put a program like this together. So if you let Peter know how great he's doing, then we'll put a link in the show notes for a free program that I have called the High Performer Switch, right? And that allows you to get back into flow state in four minutes. And so we'll give that to you for free.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Uh thank you, team. Thank you for sharing all your wisdom and thank you for being my guest tonight.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Uh it was an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for having me and and great questions. I really enjoyed our time together. Thank you.